Benjamin Disraeli said: “Change is inevitable, change is constant.” So, regardless you choose to do it consciously or you don’t choose at all, it’s still going to happen.
Have you ever took a moment to think of your life? What is it that you love and want more of, and what is it that you don’t really like and want to get rid of? Where are you going to be in a month, a year, in five years’ time? What is it that you truly want to achieve in life? What is your purpose, your mission? And if you did, have you wrote it down, made a plan of action and start making the necessary steps?
If you did, congratulations! You’re one of the 5% of the worlds’ population who does have a plan. If you haven’t, don’t stress, you are not alone, however, if you want to make a change in your life, to improve your life or simply NOT living the life you are at the minute, you need a plan. In order to make a plan, you need a destination, a purpose, a mission. The same way you type in the address in a Sat-Nav (GPS navigator) for it to create the journey plan, the same way you need a destination address. Where is that fantastic place you want to reach? How does that amazing relationship you want it to be? What is your wonderful life looking like?
If you don’t have a plan, I’m afraid I have some bad news for you: you’re trading your life for whatever you have right now. Yup, you’ve given up your life for the things you have right now, and if this life includes a “don’t really like it” job, or “it pays the bills” job, “at least I have a partner” kind of relationship, or “I have to keep going for the sake of the kids” relationship, I do understand what you’re going through, but nobody should live like this, nobody should compromise in life, you should not trade your life for bills.
You see, both the one with a plan and the one without have the same 24 hours in a day, the difference is in what each one of them is doing with this time. The one with a plan is heading towards a destination, the other one is going around in a circle, or even in the wrong direction most of the time, and in a years’ time the one without a plan is still in the same place, doing the same thing or maybe even worse, but keeps on compromising because they feel stuck. The one with a plan in a years’ time has met a few bumps, fell off his feet a few times but is way much closer to a new destination than the other one.
To start, though, you first need to figure out where you are, what is your current position. Most of the people I know, do regularly a clean up in their wardrobe, garden or shed, sometimes they call it a spring clean, but not many think of doing a clean up in their mind: get rid of unproductive habits, dust off their old ideas and open their mind to a fresh breeze of opportunity. Have you ever took a moment to think of what is working and what doesn’t work in your life?
I heard a story once about a very wealthy businessman who passed away suddenly and his company along with the wealth was passed on to his wife. She had no experience in business whatsoever, but she did know how to do a cleanup. A few weeks after the funeral of her husband, called in a meeting with the heads of all departments in the company and asked each one of them, 3 questions: “What are you doing?”, “What works?”, “What doesn’t?”. She then enquired whether what doesn’t work can be fixed, changed or eliminated completely, and in most cases, eliminating what didn’t work was the best option. she gave them permission to act accordingly and they did; mostly because, in their mind, nobody gave them permission before to eliminate what it didn’t work. Every few weeks, she would call in these meetings and asked the same three questions: “What are you doing?”, “What works?”, “What doesn’t?” In a very short period of time, the company’s revenue spiked from 10 million to 25 million.
So now, I’m asking you the same 3 questions: “What are you doing?”, “What works?”, “What doesn’t?” and I am pretty sure that as you read these questions. some answers already popped in your mind. When something doesn’t work in your life, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong, it means it’s not really in harmony with what you really want your life to look like. It may be working for other people and may serve their purpose, but if it doesn’t serve you, then you should start thinking if it can be fixed or repaired and if the answer is no, then eliminate it from your life. If you’re not looking into your life at what’s not working and take the necessary action, you’ll end up in a years’ time looking back to realize that nothing has changed apart of the fact that another year in your life elapsed and you’re still in the same place. This is what happened to me when I was employed as Operations Manager. After a year in the job, I evaluated my situation and noticed the improvements, another year later, I evaluated my situation and realized nothing has changed and nothing will change if I don’t make a change. And I did!
As you ask yourself these questions and remove what’s not working, you’ll discover a new you, a different person, lighter and greater. If you’ve ever been house hunting, whether to buy or to ren, you’ve probably seen some f them very cluttered and I mean really cluttered, but as you interact with the people living there, you realize that this is their life. They are aware of it, they got used to it and they even have “good” reasons to keep it like that. The truth is, and they don’t actually realize it, is that they created themselves a comfort zone and live a habitual life which feels normal… natural. From their perspective, that’s how it’s supposed to be; they know it could be better, but they tell themselves “it’s not that bad” and keep on living like that. The same thing applies in abusive relationships: they know it could be better, but they keep on finding reasons to convince themselves “it could be worse” or “it’s not that bad” and you’re wondering why.
The habitual mind created this safe zone also known as a comfort zone. The comfort zone only expands on its own if the new habit is in alignment with the rest of the habits. Now, if you imagine the habit of eating, it can create further similar habits or in the extension of this one. The drinking may create habits that go in alignment or as an extension of the original habit. The moment you intend an implementation of a new habit which is not in alignment with the rest, the mind starts defending itself and resists the change, the more forceful the new system is imposed, the more resistance is imposed by the mind up to the point it starts creating fear. The fear is not real is just created by the mind to protects itself. For instance, when you see a dangerous animal in the wilderness, the mind releases the fear for your fight or flight instinct to kick in and protect you because if you are in danger the mind is in danger as well.
When comes to forced change, the mind creates this fear of the unknown. And we start looking for reasons why we shouldn’t change and keep it as it is, but what we don’t realize at that moment is that the same energy used to find reasons to not change can be used for the opposite purpose. Instead of thinking “what if it’s gonna be worse” we could think “what if it’s gonna be better”. The fear of the unknown keeps us from change not because it’s better this way but because the mind knows this way. Have you ever tried fighting your fear? When I was a kid I went to swimming lessons and the teacher ask me to jump from a higher level. I was terrified!!! My heart was pumping, my mind was screaming until I faced the fear and jumped… when I jumped I started screaming. After I dove in the water and got out of it safely, I realized it was just in my mind and the next time I went up, there was no more fear. My comfort zone expanded, my mind acknowledged the action as safe and everything was fine after, but before, the resistance was painful and many people have panic attacks when comes to these situations.
Back to our clutter living people, if you pull them out of that home, organize and declutter and then bring them back, in a short period of time, the house will get back to “normal”. Most of the people forced out of abusive relationships, find themselves going back to their partner, or end up with similar people. As long as they do not make a conscious decision and commit to the change, they will always end up in the same place. The thing is… it’s not them! Yup, I said that right: It’s not them, it’s not their fault. It’s their paradigm, the multitude of habits controlling their life is what sends them back. You see, we’re not very different from animals. Same as them we act on instincts and follow certain habits. Some hibernate, some fly to warmer climates, some follow the same journey every year of hundreds of miles looking for water.
If you’re not accustomed to the term paradigm, it is a multitude of habits that shape our behavior. Ever since we were born, our mind shaped based on our external sensors, what we felt, what we heard from our parents, tutors, TV, social media, etc.
Vernon Howard said: “you can’t escape a prison if you’re not aware you’re in one.” Unless you realize the life you live in is lead by your paradigm, which is a reflection of your environment, and that this paradigm IS your prison, you won’t even attempt an escape. Whichever thing in your life, that you keep on doing because you’ve always done it, but it doesn’t serve you, or your purpose, or simply it doesn’t make you happy, it’s a prison. And if you want to break free, firstly, you have to acknowledge you are in one and your freedom is outside its walls.
I’m not asking you to quit your job, break off your relationship or move in a different place, unless, obviously, you’ve had enough. I’m asking you to ask yourself these 3 questions: “What are you doing?”, “What works?”, “What doesn’t?” and act on those that don’t work, fix them, change them or eliminate them. Break yourself free from the chains of your own prison and start heading towards the sunny shores of the wonderful life that you deserve. Forget about thoughts like what’s gonna happen with the company if you leave, or how heartbroken your partner will be, what your family or friends will say. The truth is, for as long as you’ll be unhappy, everybody is gonna be unhappy around you. Nobody likes an unhappy person, they may accept you because you share similar habits and your paradigms align on a certain level, but the same way, you don’t like it when someone comes to you moaning and complaining, but you accept them because you sympathize with them.
Think of it as doing them a favor, if you care that much about them because once you find your light and your happiness, you’ll be able to shine in their lives as well and instead of being a companion in the dark, you’ll be a beacon for them to follow, you’ll be their inspiration. Put yourself first! If you’ve been in a plane, you’ve heard the flight attendant asking you to put YOUR oxygen mask first, and only then help others.
If you’re unhappy, you won’t be able to make anyone happy, and if you’re broke because you’re stuck in a job you don’t like, you’ll never be able to help others, but that requires a destination, a plan, and determination to start, fight and never give up until you’ve succeeded. Everybody is capable of achieving their goal, reach their destination and live a dream life, but some of us just give in at some point and we settle for whatever it is telling ourselves whether excuses and locking ourselves in a self-built prison.
It is said that people resist change, but the truth is that people resist being changed. They allow their paradigm to control their reaction, but the paradigm will not agree with the change, it will resist it. Even when you take conscious decisions to change, it will still kick and fight back, but “the winner takes it all”, a winner never quits and a quitter never wins. For as long as you persist with the change, your paradigm will eventually give in, adapt, and accept the new habit. If you know how to ride a bike you probably remember the times when you didn’t and started learning… how many times did you fall until you learned how to keep your balance, control your brakes and push the pedals until all became “natural”? You kept on trying and through repetition, you succeeded. Pick any other example in your life, reading, writing, driving, none of them you were born with, but you repeated and repeated and persevered until you succeeded and you created a multitude of habits that now control your life on autopilot. But you also created habits that don’t serve you, don’t bother with them, ignore them, focus on the new life, on your new journey, assign more energy to the change than to the old habits.
On your journey, people will start noticing your change and they’ll start giving you “advice” how you should do it, why you shouldn’t bother and that it’s a waste of time anyway, you’re doing it all wrong and you’re making a mistake. Keep in mind one thing: “It’s not them, it’s their paradigm!” You are part of their life and any change in your life is a change in their life. When I decided to quit my job, I had all these things said to me and you know what? nobody suffered after, everybody adapted and now they live a different norm. People who complained, are still complaining, those who were happy are still happy. It was all that fuss before the jump.
Be strong and don’t fall for their “logic”. Usually, when people say “you can’t do it,” they think of themselves, they’re the ones who can’t do it. Let’s look back in time at people like Thomas Eddison, who attempted 10,000 times before managed to light the bulb and the whole world is now illuminated by them. The Wright Brothers who’ve been told it’s impossible to make an object heavier than air fly, and now there are over 100,000 flights daily around the world, or Marconi, who was referred to an asylum by his own friends when he told them he discovered a way to make communication wireless, and today we look at wired phone as if they’re history.
If you have a dream, follow it despite whatever and whoever will say. It’s your life, live it! Don’t allow others to dictate how you’re supposed to live it, what is normal, because if it doesn’t make you happy it’s not normal. Don’t listen to people that say life is hard, because it shouldn’t, don’t listen to those saying you have to suffer in order to be happy because nobody should suffer. Your happiness is normal, and this should be your compass. Whenever you’re in doubt pull out your compass, check which way is your happiness and start heading there.
If you don’t have a dream, this is the time to make one, don’t delay it until tomorrow, or later, remember that it’s your life and every minute you spend thinking whether you should do is a waste of your life. Yes, your mind will start questioning your dream: “oh, but how do you think you’ll do that? who do you think you are to achieve that? Do you really think you’re that smart to do that? etc.” It doesn’t matter what your mind says, because that’s your paradigm and your paradigm only takes decisions based on your previous experiences” Remember how scared I was when before I jumped? I was terrified! You don’t need to know how you’re going to achieve your dream, you don’t need to gather knowledge before that, it doesn’t matter how smart you are, nothing matters unless you have decided what you’re going to do and where you’re heading, what’s your dream.
Nobody wants to stay in the same place, but we give in to our paradigm, nobody wants to waste their life working in a job they hate looking forward to retirement and then spend what’s left of their life regretting all the things they didn’t do and they can’t do now because they’re too old or the pension is not as they expected. Nobody wants to live an unfulfilled life, but the majority of us give in to the arguments of our paradigm. Start writing your own story and put yourself in it as the hero, stop playing a secondary role in someone else’s story. It’s your life! And you deserve better!
If you need help, you don’t know where to start, or you simply need a guide for your journey and a torch to light your path, please do get in touch for a free, no-obligation conversation, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let me know what’s your challenge, and I will be delighted to help.
I’ve also built a step by step program, to guide you on your journey. Plan to Success is a risk-free program, offering guaranteed results or your money back if you’re not satisfied. Also, you get a 45% off, if you follow this link. All you have to do is to decide you’re not going to stay where you are and decide where you’re heading, what’s your biggest desire, your dream home and where and how you want to live your dream life, the rest of it is covered.
Love and Peace!